I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
So many bounce houses so little time
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
