if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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