highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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