do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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