i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
