I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
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I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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