when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
