dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
