I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
