I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Two words: nipple clamps
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