I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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