OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
