walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
