I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
