I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
