Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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