I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
