How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
