My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I will be naked everywhere
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
