Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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