just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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