god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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