dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
We need to get me chipped asap
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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