I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
