why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
