It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
