I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
