when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
