saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize