Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
