that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
