woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
