omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
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