well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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