I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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