New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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