Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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