ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
