i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
