I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
