Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
