I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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