i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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