Quick, to the slutcave!
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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