Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I need moral support for this bender
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
