At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
