so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
