bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
