i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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