Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
