well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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