white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
