we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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