We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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