You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize