This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
