I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
