i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
