I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
