You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
