he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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