Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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