Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
