The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I looked at my own cervix.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
