A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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