If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
