I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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