Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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