I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
