Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
