if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
