; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
