My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Randomize
