I am puke
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
