She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
